Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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