I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
