Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
