i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
