Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
