He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
