Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I have already put on my inside pants.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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