hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
