but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize