You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Randomize
