I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
