She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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