Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
