i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
