Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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