he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I stole a fireplace last night.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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