Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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