I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
