I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
