I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
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Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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