we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Buhtt sex?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
