that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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