I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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