I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
