There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
