My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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