Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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