I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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