I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
