I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
