its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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