When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
