forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
