Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
