I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
