So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
