goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
