i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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