I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
