I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
