proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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