god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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