this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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