??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
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We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My ass is underappreciated
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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