I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Please, let me fuck your mom
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
