Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
