Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
