we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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