I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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