i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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