she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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