dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
