dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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