they need to just BURY HIM!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My balls are so social today.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
