College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize