I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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