iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
