Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
