out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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