I need help removing her.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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