what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize