Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
