turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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