literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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