Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
