"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
