My liver just broke up with me...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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