Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
