ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
