omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
