i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
