you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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