cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
