I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
