It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Welp...herpes.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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