the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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