So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
