We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
