I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
