the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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