words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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