I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
