matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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