anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
