one two three fourrrrnication!
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
