This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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