Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
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