I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
