So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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