What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
